---
title: "Humorous Stain Removal Guide"
date: 2022-02-23
author: "Phoebe Moon"
featured_image: "https://phoebemoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/MNL-Ron.jpg"
categories:
  - name: "Quilt Humor"
    url: "/category/humor.md"
---

# Humorous Stain Removal Guide

## Just Kidding!

Here’s a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:

**Blood**: Spill more blood around the area of stain so it won’t stand out as much.

**Ink**: Fall to knees and plead, “Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?”

**Grass**: Write the name of your liquid detergent on the stain. Wash. Hold up to the camera, and show off the unbelievable results.

**Mud**: Place a large iron-on NASCAR patch over the stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.

**Grape Juice**: Rub stain vigorously with a wet paper towel from the restroom while saying, “Oh, &%$@ … %$@&.”

**Coffee**: Rub cream and sugar into the stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.

**Wine**: Apply a mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to yourself until you no longer care about some little &%$@ stain.

**Chewing Gum**: Using a permanent marker, draw a dotted line around the stain. Cut carefully on the dotted line.

**Nail Polish**: Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing “home-crafted” look?

**Bleach**: Insoluble. Burn down the house.

![Monday Night Ladies](https://phoebemoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/MNL-Ron.jpg)**In 2011, our county had a bad flood. These are some of the brave people that helped with the clean-up.**