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Humorous Stain Removal Guide
Just Kidding!
Here’s a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains:
Blood: Spill more blood around the area of stain so it won’t stand out as much.
Ink: Fall to knees and plead, “Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?”
Grass: Write the name of your liquid detergent on the stain. Wash. Hold up to the camera, and show off the unbelievable results.
Mud: Place a large iron-on NASCAR patch over the stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.
Grape Juice: Rub stain vigorously with a wet paper towel from the restroom while saying, “Oh, &%$@ … %$@&.”
Coffee: Rub cream and sugar into the stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.
Wine: Apply a mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to yourself until you no longer care about some little &%$@ stain.
Chewing Gum: Using a permanent marker, draw a dotted line around the stain. Cut carefully on the dotted line.
Nail Polish: Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing “home-crafted” look?
Bleach: Insoluble. Burn down the house.
